Thank You, God

God, thank You for:

1. Giving me the opportunity to experience what so many women experience with infertility.
2. Giving me the hour drive from the clinic today to come to You in prayer.
3. Teaching me that godly desires can easily be made into "me" desires.
4. Showing me that this has nothing to do with what I've done in the past and that it is not a punishment.
5. Showing me that there is nothing I am doing wrong now or can do right in order to make You do anything. You are not a genie nor a puppet.
6. Giving Aaron and I this time together without the distraction of children and forgive us for not using this time better for serving You.
7. Teaching me all that You have taught me about children by working at the daycare. You have shown me that all they are looking for is love, guidance and attention. It fixes most issues.
8. Helping me to persevere when I didn't think I could handle any more. It is only by You I can.
9. Your strength that sees me through the difficult times and for sending rays of light when I need them.
10. Helping me to see that I need to seek after wisdom and understanding, more than I need to seek after whatever it takes to have "my desire" met.

There are many blessings that come with trials. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in what I see others being blessed with that I forget how blessed I am, even in the midst of the same trial I hate at times. Had Aaron and I got pregnant easier, I would have had no idea how many women struggle with infertility. One of the hard parts about all the doctor appointments is feeling like I am just another number. Last year when one of the fertility treatments did not work, I was told on a machine that I call into to find out results. The lady said she was sorry, but you could tell she tells women that every day. In order to find out my instructions throughout the procedures I have a number I call and listen to a message left for me. When I need to call them, I leave a message for the nurses and they call me back when it is convienent for them, as long as it is before 4pm. When we go into the headquarters office, which I try to go to as least as possible but have to for the bigger procedures, the office is packed. I had no idea so many women had infertility issues and this is only in one network that has like 6 offices. Being just a number makes me realize that in the reality of things I am just a number. One thing I am very grateful for though is that:

God does not see me as a number, just as He does not see you as a number in whatever trial you are facing.