Letting it Out...

Maybe a blog is not the place to vent, but I need to. Some of my readers know where Aaron and I are at in life. I will not write about the particular area of life we are at, just vent about it and for those who have no idea. Well, if you know me well enough and you really want to know, ASK.

1. This is by far the hardest life has been for me emotionally. I say that coming from a divorced family with a mom that remarried. I say that with other things that I have had to go through that no child should have to go through.
2. I haven't really had an issue with people who have what I want, other than envy. I have not struggled with bitterness until this point. "Why do I have to go through this and all these other people don't?"
3. As for my relationship with God, I will not let go but it is hard to be close right now. I am not angry at Him and have not turned my back on Him, but it is easier to ignore this season of my life.
4. Sometimes I have pretend conversations within myself with other people. The other person is asking, "How can there be a God when He isn't giving you the desires of Your heart naturally?" My answer is always, "God created the people that are trying to help me have the desires of my heart, 'unnaturally.'"
5. I get tired of talking about what is going on and I feel like everyone I come in contact with knows what is going on. I'm open. It bothers me now that I have been so open. I don't know that I would change being open though. It helps me relate to people when I share.

I am done except for three things.

I love my husband Aaron so dearly. He has been so supportive of me through all this. He has been so good to me.

I am thankful for my place of employment. They have let me take off time for my appointments and as much time as I need even if it is just time to go home after an appointment to let things digest. They have worked with me so well.

God is with me and this I know.