30 Days of Obedience - Day 24

I think tonight should just be a reflection time of what God has been doing in my life through this study. It will be hard to put into words, but I want to try as not to forget.

Today the Women's Bible Study fasted from food up until dinner at 6:30pm, which we partook together. We had a prayer time and at times I couldn't help but cry thinking of how good God has been to me. In the midst of my whining and complaining, He is still faithful. I chose to do the 30 Days of Obedience study, because I have felt God trying to get hold of my heart in this area.

At first one would think obedience has to do with God taking me to somewhere I do not wish to go. In this case, I desired to go but did not know exactly where or how I was to go. I knew God wanted to deal with disobedience in my life. This is one of those deep issues of the heart that the human eye could not spot. I've been walking the walk in front of Christians, but in my mind I mock. I say nice things and fit in with others on the outside, but on the inside is a struggle. I struggle with questions like, "Do they really believe what they say?" , "Do they even care to know the real me?" , "Why do I approach them and never get a response?"

I use to think I was questioning the genuine character of others. Lately though, I am seeing that I am really challenging God's character in the lives of others.

In griping and complaining, not being content, I am challenging God instead of obeying God. As I look back I see that I had gotten so caught up in not being content, that I couldn't even see how uncontent I had become.

This issue started being dealt with long ago. Before I met Aaron, I would become so uncontent that I would blame God for my singleness, and it was almost as if I weren't talking to and being honest with God. After marriage, I promised I wouldn't do that to myself or God again. I have held to that promise, but yet the heart issue had not been dealt with. I believe this is where God is leading me now and I happily follow like never before. I'm tired of the old thought life hanging around like a dirty diaper. I'm ready once again to say, "Lord, whereever You go, I will follow."