THE MOUNTAIN OF SALVATION

Growing up, due to family struggles, I withdrew into myself. I have come a long, long way. However, there are still things and people that intimidate me. God has done such a work in my life and I know it has been Him and not me, without a doubt. Whenever I doubt God and His existence, I look back to where I came from and know without a doubt He did what I could not do. He saved me. He is still continuing to save me.

The pastor in my old church use to preach on this often. There was definantly one time in my life where I committed my life to Christ. However, what if that is all it ever was and I never spoke to God again. I know someone who did that, but yet I see God still has a hand on her. I'm sure she speaks to Him once in awhile, but lets move on. So, what if I never spoke to Him again? Am I still saved? I guess it goes back to the once saved always saved debate. But I'm not here to discuss that.

What's on my mind is how God saved me and is still continuing to save me. What is He saving me from? He is saving me from eternal damnation, but He is also saving me from myself. Before I knew Christ, I was lost. I was walking in my own sin and wallowing in it. I was following in the ways of my peers, instead of in the ways of God. I won't go into it all, but following peers is a dangerous road to travel.

I was also very angry. On human terms I had every right to be. Due to human error I was just another kid with divorced parents. My mom was working at playing both roles. Her wonderful job was a horrible job. I say that because moms cannot be dads no matter how hard they try. However, she did her best and I never doubted my mom's love. Due to the lacking of a dad I became rebellious. My dad still had his visits and we went to visit him, but there was no discipline involved. My dad never abused me, but abuse was part of the anger factor also.

So what we have here is a 11-year old girl who is angry at the world, the people she should be loving, men, and anything else that tries to interrupt her little world. She beats her sister when her mom isn't looking. She is constantly in detention at school due to constant rebellion (those poor teachers). She yells at her mom, bangs doors closed, and behind those closed doors she abuses herself with thoughts of darkness. I stop here, because I'm sure you get the picture.

The change of salvation did in no way happen over night. In fact, it is still going on. It began before the night I committed my life to Christ. When I was five, after the divorce, my mom, sister and I lived in a duplex. A guy named John was walking down the street and saw me playing on the front porch. He invited me to his church and told me of a church bus that would pick me up. I called my mom outside and she said that would be fine. I began going to church on the church bus by myself. Soon my mom and sister started joining me. We had no vehicle ourselves at the time. In order for my mom to go to work we would all walk around three blocks to hop on the city bus. We would all get off so my mom could drop us off at daycare. She would then catch the next bus which took her to work.

Anyway, I remember praying an innocent prayer that only a child could pray of her parents getting back together and that they wouldn't be divorced anymore. However, my salvation didn't come until around eight years later. My mom, sister and I were at the laundrymat talking to this lady and her son that I knew from school. Marion, her son, spoke of Noah and how God made a promise to bring the sun again after the rain. That night I lay in bed thinking about the conversation. All at once it hit me and I saw the direction my life was taking. It was a dark road. I hated how I treated my mom and sister. I hated myself. I hit myself because I was so angry inside. I cried. I talked to God that night, but told Him I would not turn to Him unless He took me out of the situation I was in. I could not change my life in its current state. Little did I know at the time, that I would never be able to change my life. Christ did the work.

By this time we were going to my mom's cousin's church. My mom had met Larry, my now stepdad. They were dating. Soon they were married and it just so happened that God did take me out of my current condition. He had my attention. Larry took all of a us to a Powerteam Conference (http://www.thepowerteam.com/) and that night I went forward for the altar call. I was now ready to accept God's gift of salvation He was offering.

Why do I say that I am coninually being saved? I still get angry, but I'm not full of hating anger. When you've experienced both, you know the difference. God himself gets angry. However, God is teaching me almost weekly how to control that instantaneous moment of anger when I snap at my husband for something small. He doesn't deserve my snappiness. God is still teaching me much about submission. Once again, God has brought me a long way in this area also.

I once compared the spiritual life to a mountain. We start at the bottom. As God directs us and shows us His ways we are walking around the mountain. We are not walking straight up, but around it. When God is working anger out of me I am in the same spot I was 3 months ago, but a little higher on the mountain. There is still a lot of work for Him to do and He is not finished yet. When we get a little higher we can look down and see from where God brought us. We can also look up toward the tip of the mountain and boy does God have a long way to take us.